Blast

We fly home tomorrow.
I spent all day packing and haven't the brain function to make any attempts at wittiness. I've laundered and shoved and pulled and lugged.

I have 5 suitcases packed so tightly that I have images of zippers giving way and my panties being strewn about the runway.

Our goal is to leave the house at 5am tomorrow. That is a terrible goal, and in direct opposition to my main goal in life: Never be awake before 9am.
Unfortunately I had to give up on that goal many moons ago. I think it was sometime in my sophomore year of college when I realized that I couldn't schedule all of my classes to start no earlier than 10am.

And just when the thought of air travel couldn't get much worse for me, I see this on Southwest's website:

Arctic Blast

Southwest Airlines is preparing for an arctic blast that is expected to impact our scheduled service to/from several locations.
Based on the forecasted extreme temperatures and precipitation, there is a possibility that our flights could be disrupted (delayed, diverted, and/or cancelled).
For the most up-to-date specific flight information, please check Flight Status Information.

• Chicago (Midway) (MDW)
• Kansas City (MCI)
• Milwaukee (MKE)
• Omaha (OMA)
• St. Louis (STL)

See that top one? That's where we're connecting through tomorrow.

Somewhere near the top of my list of terrible things that can happen that exclude tragedy, is being stuck at an airport with my children.
So send a few prayers my way for some clear skies tomorrow, or just the ability to endure whatever comes my way.
I'm sure it will be a fun adventure.
This is going to suck.

Repacking and Unpacking are Packing's Ugly Stepsisters.

Packing to go on a trip is kind of fun.
I sit down with a pen and paper and think through all the necessities and the particular outfits I want to take along. I quite enjoy list-making, and much prefer it to the actual task of completing the list requirements.

Back at the end of October, when I was packing for this extended visit in Michigan, I was overwhelmed with the sheer quantity of things I needed to bring along. I believe I ranted about that here.
I didn't think it could get any worse than that.

But now I find myself repacking, which is infintely worse than packing, because you know that it leads to the worst part of any trip: the unpacking.

To make matters worse, I now find myself on the other side of Christmas, and it would appear that our extended family prefered to blatantly ignore my requests for few gifts lavish us with wonderful, yet not small, Christmas bounty.

This is probably about 50% of it represented here, filling and overflowing a suitcase.

And don't allow that doll to distort the scale of the suitcase; she's life-sized. Thanks for that PtB. Nothing says small gift like a life-sized dolly. 

By necessity some will have to remain at Grandma's house to entertain the kids on future visits. I'm totally fine with that, except for the possibility of being out of country for our next assignment and some of the toys being more age-specific than others.
I also have to consider their new favorites. It doesn't seem fair to ask Derek to leave his beloved orange airplane behind, despite it's large size and the fact that the noises it makes will probably set off some kind of security mayhem at the airport.

Note to self: remove toy batteries before packing

And Alex needs all three colors of her fashion high heels. "But Mama, what if I'm wearing something yellow and I all I have is the pink shoes? Then I wouldn't match!"
She just stared at me like this.

With a sense of profound disappointment that her mother wouldn't understand something so obvious.

 I'm sure some of you are wondering why I don't just head over to UPS and send a big box home. I will give you the two-fold answer:
1) I'm cheap.
2) My mom got us new luggage for Christmas.

Allow me to expound...
We're flying Southwest Airlines, which allows 2 checked bags each with no charge. Three of us flying = 6 bags. Subtract one bag for one checked car seat, and we can still check 5 bags of up to 50lbs each.
Plus I need to get that new luggage home, and there are many pieces. So instead of paying a hundred dollars or more to ship everything back, I choose to be cheap and do it the free, yet painful, way.
The main point of difficulty is actually getting the bags, car seat, stroller, and children from the car to the check-in counter.
I will have Pat the Bunny to help me, but if you've been following along on this here blog for any amount of time you will understand that I am courting disaster. She plans to try to get a gate pass to help me through security as well and on to our gate.
We shall see how this turns out.

T-58 Hours to take-off.

I plan to attempt to spend the rest of my time here not stressing about this flight.
Instead I will think of other more pleasant things, like my New Years dinner:

Yum!
Or the fact that my daughter, who thinks that I  have no sense of fashion, was wearing this for the majority of today.

 I personally don't see how the yellow heels were the right choice for this ensemble.

Oh, and have I mentioned that I dislike flying with my children?

I have?

Well then, I'm all done here.

Bunny vs. Boy Scouts

Yesterday we traveled back from Flash & Mark's house to Pat the Bunny's. We have done a lot of back and forth on this staycation, and if I ever have to take out and reinstall car seats again in 13 degree weather, it will be too soon. I'm officially tired of living out of suitcases, so it's fitting that we'll be heading back to Idaho in 4 more days.
I'm thankful for the time with family and how it made the time away from Josh pass by quickly, but now I'm ready to get home and prepare for his return! If only I could just teleport there instead of dragging my 2 kids and 10 pieces of luggage to the airport.
The Detroit airport no less, now infamous for the crotch bomber.
I have flown often enough with the kids to know what to expect, but I never fail to get flustered during the security process. Getting jackets and shoes off of all 3 of us, keeping the kids right next to me when there are so many fun looking things to explore, convincing Alex that it's okay to walk through the x-ray machine by herself, removing liquids, opening laptops, keeping out boarding passes, and then putting all of those things back in their place is...well, flustering.
So wish me luck.

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Wanted for Crimes Against the Boy Scouts:

Bunny, Pat the 

I'm wondering if maybe I should change the name of this blog to the "Many Adventures of Pat the Bunny."
But then when I go home it wouldn't work anymore so I think I'll just leave it as is, but I simply must share her latest blunder with you.
Seriously, you can't leave her alone for a minute or she'll find some kind of mess to get into.

So it's very cold here, and Pat the Bunny had some garbage that needed to go out. Normally she puts it in the garage in the backyard, because it has to be kept away from Grace the Wonder Dog.
(Grace has been known to emerge from the backyard garbage can with a partially eaten dirty diaper on occasion. So disgusting, and reason number 3,871 that I don't own a dog.)
But because it was dark, cold, and icy, PtB decided to wait until daylight to walk out to the garage so she could look for patches of ice.
A perfectly reasonable decision.
But she still needed to put the full bag of trash somewhere, and she couldn't just set it out back because of the aforementioned animal.
So she set it on the front porch, with the intention of moving it to the garage the next morning.

Fast forward to the next morning. PtB goes out to move the trash, and finds that it is gone.
Gone?
Who would take a (huge) bag of stinky trash?

Well, I'll tell you who:
The Boy Scouts.

That very morning happened to be the day they were coming around to pick up empty cans* that people were donating to help them pay for their summer camp.

*In Michigan, you pay 10 cents extra per can of "pop" and then take it back to the store and get refunded when the cans are empty. That way everyone recycles their cans.

I'm sure the Boy Scout that came to PtB's porch thought they had hit the mother lode! But they will be sorely disappointed when they dump that pile of garbage out. I don't think takeout remnants and chicken parts will be of any help in getting them to summer camp.
And they will surely look at the discarded mail to see who did this to them.

I predict there will be a new merit badge this season, Rabbit Killing.

December 31, 2009

I spent the last day of 2009 doing all manner of exciting things-- playing with my kids and niece in the snow, losing* in a riveting game of scrabble, and...well, I guess that's about it.

On second thought, it wasn't all that exciting after all.

* Technically I wont admit a complete loss. I protest the results based upon vioaltion of rule number 3, point 5: No outside assistance is allowed. You broke the rules Flash**!

** Flash is my mom's new nickname. She's menopausal.
We'll be having a conversation and mid sentence she'll walk out onto the deck, where it is 20 degrees and snowing.

Oh, and Flash? Keep your victory. I believe we're even now.

And back to my day...

I tried to get a picture of the three amigos in the snow. Normally I would say that having 3 of 3 looking at the camera, with 2/3 of them smiling was pretty good.

But when the remaining third is giving me a steely-eyed death glare, it takes away some of the victory.

But don't let him fool you, he was having a great time.

Only I had bought him some snow boots that light up when he steps, and he kept falling over while trying to watch his own boots light up.
Life's tough when you're two.

Alex Kate asked me to put her in this tree and take her picture.

I obliged.

  

But her snow pants are way too small and she wasn't able to bend all that well.

So I just wedged her in there and hoped for the best.

 My niece Kennedy.

 

 This girl is quite the character.

 

I make her tell me all the time that I'm her favorite aunt. Then I ask her who her second favorite aunt is, and she reminds me that she doesn't have any other aunts.

And by some strange coincidence, Miss Kennedy also has the same exact food allergies as this guy:

"What ma? I've got allergies?" 
He doesn't care, as long as I leave him alone to finish his Curious George fruit snacks.

My kids think fruit snacks are an extra special treat.
Weirdos.

"It's the Man with the Yellow Hat's Hat, Mama! Only it's blue!"

Boggled her mind I tell you.

 

And now, Ladies and Gentlemen, I shall resume my New Year's Eve plans that include cuddle time with my laptop and seeing what's on Flash's DVR.

Don't be jealous. 

 

Maybe I'll even spend some time contemplating the year to come and thinking up some goals I'd like to achieve. 

Happy 2010 to you all, and may you be blessed in the coming year!

 

 

 

 

A Plethora of Nonsense

Check out my snowman.

Not bad, eh? Josh sent the kids some things from Korea and this might just be my favorite.


Korean play-doh is a totally different consistency and much easier to create with. If you're ever in Korea, pick ya up some.

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Today I drove back over to western Michigan with the kiddos and my little niece Kennedy. It was a fairly uneventful drive, with the exception of the occasional:
"He's touching me!"
"Derek sneezed and it got me wet!"
and
"I need to poop!"

Turns out that 9 times out of 10, that "need" is actually just a want and can be delayed until you reach your destination. Luckily for me, the odds held true today. I'm not a big fan of stopping on road trips, especially when it involves getting 3 kids in and out of car seats in winter.

Then again, I am also not a fan of cleaning poop off of clothing and car seats.

It was a gamble.

Speaking of gambling, until last week I had lived 30 years without ever buying a lottery ticket. But when I was trying to figure out what to buy for Josh's grandmother for Christmas, I was assured that she loves lottery tickets.
"Good morning, could I please have $20 worth of Bingo and Cash Word lottery tickets for my children's great grandmother?" That is how I ordered.
I didn't want the man to think they were for me.
I'm really not sure why.

And then I find out that for Grannie Annie's stocking stuffers, PtB had bought her smut! Apparently she has quite the affinity for romance novels, specifically historical fiction set in Scotland. I wrapped them, and I do believe I might have blushed when I read the back cover. "Taken by the Laird" had more than one connotation if you know what I mean.

Poor Grannie Annie was corrupted for Christmas! Gambling and smut. Next thing I know, she'll be riding her Jazzy chair to the corner bar.


**********************************************************************************
I have no reason that I am posting these pictures, other than that I'm fairly certain he is the cutest thing in the world with his little legs dangling there.




And how to round out such a nonsensical post??
Oh yes, I believe this will do it.

Now I have to go and think of some resolutions for the New Year.
Any ideas?

Pat the Bunny Strikes Again

I have no idea what I will blog about when I return home, but I just can't pass up the opportunities that PtB provides while I'm still here.

True statements about my dear mother in law:

- She courts a surface-level romance with technology. She owns the equipment, but falls just short of understanding how to use it. She has an iPhone, can access the internet from it, but is completely unable to adjust the phone's volume. She has a Facebook page, but can't for the life of her figure out how it "works." I'm at a loss to explain. It doesn't work, it just is.

- She can never find anything. Her keys and purse are never in the same place twice, and never the first place she looks for them. Her methods of cleaning pretty much revolve around throwing piles of things away, which often include non-trash items such as saucepans, silverware, and remote controls.

- I've never met anyone who can make as big of a mess while cooking as PtB. When she's cooking with eggs, I just remove Derek from the kitchen entirely lest flying egg particles trigger an allergic reaction.

And then there are her photos.

I asked if I could upload pictures from her camera to see if there were some from Christmas morning that I would like. As I scrolled through her pictures from the last 6 months (apparently she doesn't know how to delete them), I came across a recurring issue:












Did you like that last one?
It's me getting stuck in the kids' new Christmas toy.
PtB got all giddy and grabbed her camera, sure that it was her turn to embarrass me. "Wait 'til this shows up on the blog!" she taunted.

Yet another way she doesn't understand technology.
Silly Bunny, it's my blog. Nothing shows up on it until I put it there.

But because she has provided me with so much blogging delight these past months, I will be a good sport.

Here's me with my child bearing hips stuck in the tunnel:
Finally emerging
And this gem of a photo of half of my head
Good work PtB!

- Oh, and it would also be true to mention that she is the most giving and selfless person I know. Almost to a fault.

I mean, look at the way she continues to "give" to my blog? ;)

Love ya, Bunny!

A Merry Little Christmas

We had a merry little Christmas, and I hope you did too!

The elves worked hard on Christmas Eve to make sure everything was ready for the big day.

Hey Derek, get excited much?

And that was just a box with some clothes in it.

Screen Daddy was able to join us for a bit to watch some of the fun. He brought along his mustache, Chester.

Love you Screen Daddy!

Chester, not so much.
Though he's looking better than in the earliest stages of growth.
Or maybe I've just been apart from my man for too long.

Fortunately I have this picture on the mantle to remind myself of the handsome man I married:

Ahh, that's better.
And now we can continue with our regularly scheduled programming.

Here's Derek showing Daddy some of his loot.



Alex received many accessories that she put to use immediately. Like chapstick that we didn't realize would show up so brightly.

And I'm sure you are all dying to know what Gone with the Wind ornament PtB received this year. Right?

Well I will make you wait no longer-- this one is called, "Frankly, My Dear."

And I think we all know how that line is finished*.

Who knew Hallmark came in PG ratings?

* If you don't, then you shouldn't be reading this. Haven't I already instructed you to read the book??

And it has been brought to my attention that I forgot an ornament in my last post. I don't know how I missed it, as this one has a flickering fire background. It's called "Atlanta Burning."

Happy now everyone? Geesh, you'd have thought I'd forgotten one of my children at the mall they way I heard about leaving that ornament out.

But I must say that all of this talk makes me want to read it again. So I think I will. For what I believe will be the 8th time.

PtB also added to her tacky salt and pepper shaker collection this Christmas. This is my favorite of the new additions:

Interestingly enough, she doesn't use any salt shakers in everyday life. Nope, none of them hold enough of her drug. Instead she just pours right from the big 'ol industrial sized source.

And to add a bit of irony to her addiction, she buys "lite" salt, and then uses three times the amount to get to the appropriate level of tongue-numbing flavor.

My, I'm certainly veering off topic today, aren't I?

While it wasn't quite the same without Josh here, the kids really had a wonderful Christmas and were lavished with gifts and attention.

Now I'm just going to have to figure out how to live with them again once we're back at home in the real world.

Grandma and Aunt Jessie have convinced Alex that she is, indeed, an actual princess. Listen to the end of this clip.



And now if you'll excuse me, her highness is requesting that I remove the skin from her grapes and banish her minion brother to the dungeon.

I kid.

Well, kind of. I'm sure if she thought that I would, she would ask me to remove Derek from her stash of Christmas toys, or possibly just remove him period.


Now I'm off to work on addressing Christmas cards.

I believe that I addressed here that being on time is not one of my best characteristics.

Merry Christmas Everyone! And best wishes for a happy and healthy 2010!